Anger Management

Being the first of a 26 story project I wasn’t sure how this would play out. I spent 6 days wrestling with ideas for the story, then on the 7th and final day settled on the story and wrote it within half an hour. The version you see below, is very similar with minor grammatical edits from the original story I wrote in those 30 minutes. The story is rather graphic, and not for everyone.
Anger Management
“Like I said I’m only here because that jerk off of a boss knows if he fires me I’ll tell the truth about him cheating on his wife, with my fucking wife. That’s right, that fucker was fucking my wife on his ‘lunch break,’ while I was working like a witless pencil pusher for that dickless prick. I know, I know ‘calm down’ right? This is a court ordered session. I don’t know what the fuck for, he deserves more than the beat down that I gave him last month. Doc, can you honestly blame a hardworking guy like me, after finding out my wife was cheating on me with my boss? Shit the bitch deserves a beating also, but I can’t go to jail for that cunt.
“You know doc, I never thought a shrink could look so damn hot. Or do you use those tits of yours to get dicks like me to start talking? Shit I’d tell you my account number if you asked. Not that you’d need it with the prices crooks like you charge.
“Yea I know this is about me, not you. Well, I’ll admit I always had some anger problems, I guess. Dumb guys like me gotta use our fists cuz the only thing we do know is that our brains don’t get the job done.
“You’re probably gonna go on, bout how this is all my pop’s fault. Well yea, he was a mean son of a bitch, who raised me at the end of a belt, the shiny metal end, but that’s how my old man taught me these two here are my only friends. Oops, sorry guess they’re still a little wet. But these fists have been through a lot of shit in my years.
“Guess you want to know my first show of anger, first time I went in the red, huh? Well let’s see, probably have to be with Rocco. I was round nine er ten, and that fucking mutt would not learn to piss on the papers, and my fuckin’ mah kept beatin’ my ass for it, so I beat my dog’s ass. But the fucker wouldn’t learn, so I nuked his ass. No, no, don’t get weirded out, we were gonna toss the microwave out anyway. Well, I learned later in life it was probably cuz that shit was still scared of the new home or something, but whatever.
“And well I guess it didn’t end there, shit I don’t think the anger even paused. I got suspended the next year from school for beatin the shit out of some punk in school for talking shit bout my mah. It’s not even cuz I cared bout her or what he said was all that mean, it’s just the principle of the matter. You don’t talk bout some ones mah, and not expect an ass beatin’. You know what I’m saying?
“Huh? No answer, guess you want deeper. Well I could remember this one time, I nearly killed a cabbie cuz he purposefully avoided my directions so he could hit traffic and suck an extra 20 bucks from me. What’s funny is that when I was slammin the door on his head, I knew I was going over board but I couldn’t stop. It was the one time I thought, ‘I probably shouldn’t be doing this.’ From then on, I kinda held on, knowing it was the only option for a lug like me.
“You’re probably gonna ask or say something bout how I keep putting myself down, but it ain’t like that. I know where my strengths are, and my brains ain’t one of them. But my fists and my anger are my strengths. I once ki… I never told nobody this before, least not without a couple a drinks, but I killed a guy once in a bar fight. He bumped into me and tried starting some shit, so I beat him to death with a pool stick. I knew the bartender, so he let me take the body outta the bar before he called the cops and gave a shitty description of me. I gotta say though, it felt good beatin him and killin him, but it feels even better knowin I got away with it.
“You know doc, I know my times bout up, but I really feel like I got a lot of this bottled up shit out in the open. I just wish ya hadn’t said nothing bout me being unbalanced or nothing when I first got in. You might still be alive, and I definitely wouldn’t a had to rape you. But I guess I better get going before they start wonderin’ bout you. Reckon I won’t be seein you ‘gain, but I’ll always remember your naked limp body, even if your face is all bloody. Think I’ll take some of what I learned here home to my wife.”

Alex Azar

Nerds, Geeks, and Dorks

Alphabet Project