WWE Results: Wrestlemania 34

WWE Results: Wrestlemania 34

Wrestlemania is always about surprises, this year was no different, but were these good ones? Read on to find out.

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The Kickoff Show is getting bigger and bigger but somehow feels smaller and less important every year.


Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

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These are getting more and more useless, right? Like this isn't just me, but is there anyone that still thinks this match "launches careers"? Evidence by being the curtain jerker for the entire show. Good for Matt Hardy, and I'm curious to see how his relationship with Bray Wyatt develops, but end of the day, this Battle Royal is nothing more than a platform to get as many wrestlers a Wrestlemania paycheck.

Winner: Matt Hardy (Rybo Slice 3 points, Brundan 1 point)


Cedric Alexander v Mustafa Ali (Finals for the Cruiserweight Championship match)

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This match deserved to be on the main card. I don't watch 205 Live, but I've been keeping up with the tournament and I was excited for this match. It was a great fight between two guys at the top of their game. Obviously Cedric was going to win, don't let my prediction confuse that, but the show these two put on became an early favorite for me. The new direction the Cruiserweights have taken since dropping the dead weight of Enzo, may make me a viewer.

Winner: Cedric Alexander (Brundan, Pink, Rybo Slice) 


Wrestlemania Women's Battle Royal

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The first ever winner of the fallopian tube trophy, Naomi. Good for her, but honestly does anyone care? Does anyone think this will make an impact on her career?

Winner: Naomi (Pink 1 point)


Main Card

The Miz (c) v Seth Rollins v Finn Balor (Triple Threat Intercontinental Championship match)

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What a way to actually kick off the show. All three men were incredibly impressive, which was to be expected (yes even The Miz). However, with The Miz's new fatherhood status, it's understandable he's going to lose and take some time off. A lot of people expected Finn to pick up the win, but I still don't think Vince has regained trust in him as a top star. That leaved the King Slayer to walk out as the latest Grandslam Champ.

Winner: Seth Rollins (Double A)


Charlotte Flair (c) v Asuka (Smackdown Women's Championship match)

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New Orleans is where streaks go to die. I'm sure that's the narrative that WWE will build around this in the future, but Asuka's streak was still in it's main roster infancy. She debuted only seven months ago on our screens, meaning all of her wins prior almost don't count. Of course they do, but they don't feel as important, and all of that means the streak should have continued for at least a little longer. However, nothing should be taken away from Charlotte, who put on a hell of a show. 

Winner: Charlotte Flair (none)


Randy Orton (c) v Bobby Roode v Jinder Mahal v Rusev (Fatal 4-Way United States Championship match)

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Fuck you WWE. Seriously, fuck you. You hear the pop Rusev gets, and instead decide to give the belt to the worst WWE champ in recent memory. 

Winner: Jinder Mahal (none)


Ronda Rousey and Kurt Angle v Triple H and Stephanie McMahon

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At least one match ended as we expected. Granted it lasted much longer than I thought it deserved, but it was entertaining overall (although Kurt looked more out of shape than he did his previous two matches. I was worried about Ronda's timing, thinking her nerves may make her rush, but she was very competent in the ring for a first time on such a big stage, unlike any she's seen in the UFC. To top it all off, Stephanie's over selling was great.

Winners: Ronda Rousey and Kurt Angle (all)


The Usos (c) v The New Day v The Bludgeon Brothers (Triple Threat Smackdown Tag Team Championship match)

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For all the time that the previous match went over, I think this match would have benefitted from. Usos and New Day can go, they've proven that in the ring more than enough times. Adding The Bludgeon Brothers mixed in a different element than we've come to expect with the other two teams. This was a good match, but really could have been so much better had they had time to develop the story. Either way, no champs!

Winners: The Bludgeon Brothers (Brundan, Double A, Pink)


The Undertaker v John Cena

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Um, what was that? Yay Taker? I'm very confused about what that was, but I guess it was good to see Taker back, even if it was just to squash Cena.

Winner:Undertaker (Double A, Pink, Rybo Slice)


Daniel Bryan and Shane McMahon vs Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn (if Owens and Zayn win, they are rehired)

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The crowd was on fire for this fight, but the early mugging before the bell took a lot of steam out of them. I don't know if I'd have booked it in the same way, by writing off Bryan for most of the match, but in the end they did the right thing by having Shane taken out of the match, leaving Bryan to shine alone.

Winners: Daniel Bryan and Shane McMahon (Double A, Pink)


Alexa Bliss (c) v Nia Jax (Raw Women's Championship match)

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I am a huge fan of Alexa, but this match was clearly nothing more than a palate cleanser between Daniel Bryan's return, and the match that came after. Unlike the previous match, I really liked the booking of this fight. Both women looked good and competent, but more importantly the story they told in the ring was believable. Kudos to Nia, but I expect Bliss staying in the title picture.

Winner: Nia Jax (Brundan, Double A)


AJ Styles (c) v Shinsuke Nakamura (WWE Championship match)

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WWE overhyped this match for their own good. It was a great match, but it had the potential for so much more. The fight they had in Japan was amazing, and they had no shot of replicating that, but it's hard not to compare the two. I think the wrong person won, but the after match beat down earned Shinsuke some of the credit he lost with the match. Hopefully this means next PPV he'll get the belt.

Winner: AJ Styles (Pink)


The Bar (c) v Braun Strowman (Raw Tag Team Championship match)

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My favorite thing about this match may have been Cesaro's reaction as Braun chose a child as his partner. Now what the hell do they do? Is the kid going to show up again? Are they going to strip the titles from Strowman? Will Strowman be allowed to defend on his own?

Winners: Braun Strowman and Nicholas (all)


Brock Lesnar (c) v Roman Reigns (Universal Championship match)

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Before it started, all I could think was that this should not have been the final match of the night. Now that I've seen it, I know this sure as shit should not have been the final match. The crowd was tired, they gave up on the match before it really got going, and all of the F5's and German suplexes couldn't save it. Hell, blood couldn't even save that match. It was a brutal hoss fight, and today's wrestling fan just isn't into that like they used to be. I may need to think it over a little more, but I think this may have been the worst match of the night. And this is how they ended Wrestlemania. Vince and the writers need to reevaluate what they think the fans want. For now, and for some reason, we still have Brock Lesnar as the main champ.

Winner: Brock Lesnar (none)



Well there you have it. Another season of wrestling is in the books, tonight it starts all over again. Congrats to tonight's winner. Pink!

Rejection 17: Somewhere Beyond the Sea

Rejection 17: Somewhere Beyond the Sea

WWE Predictions: Wrestlemania 34

WWE Predictions: Wrestlemania 34